'Tis the season

The freezing wind sliced through the tissue-thin mini skirt and bit into me like an icy pit bull. I paced back and forth along the street in an effort to get my blood flowing. It was far too cold to be walking the streets, but I needed the money. Fast. A car turned the corner, plowing inexorably through the snow drifts with all the speed of a lumbering elephant as it made its way down the street. I stopped pacing and leaned against the streetlamp, striking the best casual pose I could manage with frozen toes, but the car didn't stop. I swore loudly as I lit up a cigarette. No one wanted action on a night like this. Everyone with any sense was at home in front of the TV watching Frosty the goddamn snowman.

I set off home, cursing the holiday season, when a battered pickup pulled alongside me.

"Hey baby" a voiced called from within, "wanna make some money?"

"Fifty for a blowjob, hundred for a fuck" I called back.

The car door swung open.

"Get in."

I climbed into the truck and found myself looking down into a broad, smiling face, sitting on a child’s body. He caught the surprised look on my face and blushed, so I said

"That's ok, I do midgets. But it'll cost double."

He threw his head back and laughed.

"Good to know, good to know. But you're not for me, you're for my buddy. He doesn't get out much, so once a year I like to buy him a little company."

"Well I’ll be glad to help" I say, "but your buddy has to come out here. I don't do house calls."

The dwarf leans past me and opens the glove box, pulling out a wad of bills.

"Five hundred dollars." He says.

I know girls who have taken rides with strangers and never come back, but my rent is well overdue. I pick up the money and stuff it into my purse. The midget smiles, and starts the car.

"So where's your friend?" I ask.

"Oh, not far." he replies. "We rent a room at the motel six on Broad Street whenever we're in town."

"Is that often?"

"Once a year."

"And your friend... what's wrong with him?"

The dwarf raised an eyebrow at me.

"Well you're paying extra for me to go to him, so I figure something must be wrong, else he'd be driving out to me."

The dwarf chuckled to himself.

"Relax, he's fine. He's just... private."

I sat back and lit up another cigarette. I should be more worried, I knew, but something about this guy felt alright.

The car lapsed into silence until we reached the motel. I got out of the truck and followed the little man to his room. As I watched him lead the way, I stifled a giggle. He couldn't have been more than four feet tall. I imagined the surprise a cop would've gotten had we been pulled over. Winding down the window to see a tiny little man at the wheel, it would've been...

It dawned on me that I had no idea how the midget had just driven me here.

I looked up and saw that he'd reached his room already. I hustled up and followed him in, closing the door behind me. I was about to ask him how he'd driven a full-sized car when I noticed we weren't alone. About a dozen other midgets were also in the room, lying on the bed, going through the mini bar, watching TV. I turned back to the first midget.

"If all these boys wanna watch, it's gonna cost extra."

This brought a chorus of tittering laughter from the room. The dwarf grabbed me by the hand.

"Come on, he's through here."

He led me to the door adjoining the next room. I opened it and walked through, trying to focus on the large wad of bills in my purse.

The room was dark, lit only by a single lamp next to an armchair. I closed the door and walked towards the lamp. I could make out the figure of a large man sitting in the armchair.

"Uh... Hello? Your friend said you wanted some company?"

There was a moment of silence, then a rich, deep voice rolled out of the shadowy figure.

"And what's your name, pretty girl?"

"Alice."

"Well Alice, why don't you come sit on my lap."

Familiar territory at last. I'd worked 'daddies' before. I moved over to him and saw he was wearing a garish red suit. No wonder he stays in. I sat down on his knee, surprised at how soft it was. I looked into his dark face, and for a second I thought I saw a faint twinkle. Then he spoke again.

"Tell me Alice, have you been a good girl this year?"

"Oh no, I’ve been a bad girl. I've been a very naughty girl."

He chuckled to himself.

"I’m afraid it's coal for you this year then."

That was... unusual. I reached out and grabbed the lamp, and tilted it closer, illuminating his face. A ruddy-cheeked old face stared back at me. A bright smile shone out from the midst of his full white beard.

"Well Alice, perhaps there's something we can do to change that." He said.

He guided me gently off his lap to the floor, and stood up, undoing his large gold buckle.

"I'd like you to meet my old friend, Rudolph."

He dropped his pants. I looked up into his jolly old face, and the twinkle had returned to his eye.

"I wonder, do you know any Christmas carols?



Five minutes later, I was in the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face. I could almost pass it off as a joke, a big prank, a waking dream, but for the taste of eggnog in my mouth. I steeled myself in the mirror, and walked back into the room. He was still sitting in chair, but he had pulled his trousers back up. His face shone with cheer. He beckoned me back on to his lap.

"Well young Alice, you've done a nice thing for Santa tonight. Now tell me, is there anything Santa can do for you? What is your Christmas wish?"

"Well..."

"Yes?"

"Well Santa, what I want for Christmas, what I want most of all is..."

I grab Santa’s gloved hand and guide it to my crotch. I watch his eyes widen.

"...is to be a real girl."